Parenting plan template

A parenting plan is not really a legal document at first. It is a diary that two people who are no longer together can both live with. The legal part comes later, when you register it or make it an order of court. What decides whether it works is simpler than the law: whether every clause names a day, a time and a place, or whether it says "as agreed between the parties" and leaves the argument for a Friday afternoon in the school car park.

What this document does and when to use it

This template is a written agreement between two people who both hold parental responsibilities and rights in respect of the same child, as contemplated by the Children's Act 38 of 2005. It sets out where the child lives, when the child is with each parent, how handovers happen, who decides what about school and medical care, how travel works, how money is handled, and what the two of you do when you disagree.

Use it when you are separating, when you have separated and the arrangement has never been written down, when an informal arrangement is breaking down, or when you are divorcing and the plan will be attached to the settlement agreement. It is also what to reach for when one of you is about to move, or when a schedule built around a toddler no longer fits a teenager.

Understand what it is not. It is not a maintenance order. Clause 14.9 says so: "This plan does not replace a maintenance order. Either parent may approach the Maintenance Court, which is free, at any time." And in its signed form it is an agreement between two adults. It becomes enforceable in a stronger sense once it is registered with the Office of the Family Advocate or made an order of court. Read what a parenting plan is for the legal background first.

Before you start: get these facts straight

The child's actual week. School start and finish times, aftercare, sports afternoons, extra lessons. A schedule invented in the abstract collides with reality in the first fortnight.

Both parents' actual weeks, and the distance between the homes. Shift patterns, month end, the commute, who has a car. There is no point agreeing a collection at 16:30 if that parent cannot leave work until 17:15.

What the child says. Clause 1.4 records that "The child has been consulted about these arrangements to the extent appropriate to the child's age, maturity and stage of development." That is not decoration. The Children's Act 38 of 2005 expects the child to be given a chance to express a view. Ask in a way that suits the child's age, and do not make the child choose between parents.

The money picture. What each parent earns, what the school costs, what the medical aid covers. Clause 14 needs real figures.

Safety. If there is any risk to a child or a parent, deal with that first and separately. A protection order is free at any Magistrates' Court, the GBV Command Centre is on 0800 428 428, and the police are on 10111. Mediating a schedule with someone who frightens you is not the right first step.

One suggestion from the template is worth repeating: each of you fill in a copy alone, then sit down and compare. It is far faster than negotiating from a blank page, and it shows you at once where you already agree.

Walking through it, clause by clause

Clause 1 identifies the children and records the two principles the rest of the document sits on: that both parents hold parental responsibilities and rights, and that "the best interests of the child come first". Anything you write later that conflicts with that is what a Family Advocate or a court will push back on.

Clause 2 is where the child lives. Choose between a primary residence with one parent, in 2.1, and a shared residence cycle, in 2.2, and delete the other. Clause 2.3 asks each parent to keep "a set of the child's clothing, school items and medication" at their home, which sounds like housekeeping and is one of the highest value clauses in the document, because most handover arguments are about a missing blazer.

Clauses 3 to 6 are the schedule, and this is where the plan is won or lost. Every square bracket wants a real day and a real time. Clause 4.2 asks for the date the first alternating weekend begins, which removes the fortnightly argument about whose turn it is. Clause 5.2 alternates the first half of the long holidays by even and odd numbered years, a small mechanism that settles a decade of disputes in one line. Clause 6.5 is left open for "religious or cultural days that matter to this family" and should be completed rather than deleted.

Clause 7 covers handovers, the most emotionally loaded ten minutes of any fortnight. Name the place, name who collects and who returns, and set a lateness rule in minutes. Clause 7.4 is blunt: "Disagreements between the parents are not discussed at a handover or in the child's hearing." Where handovers have been tense, choose a school or public place rather than either home.

Clauses 8 and 9 deal with school and health. Both give both parents information rights: both sets of contact details at the school, both entitled to reports, both entitled to attend parent evenings "whether or not it is their contact time". Clause 9.3 lets either parent get emergency treatment while the child is in their care, with a deadline in hours to tell the other, and 9.4 keeps non emergency treatment, surgery and psychological care as a joint decision.

Clauses 10 and 11 cover religion, culture and communication. Clause 11.1 asks you to pick one channel and one response time, which is more useful than it looks: a single thread about the child, replied to within a set number of hours, prevents most of the misunderstandings that reach a mediator. Clause 11.2 forbids using the child to "carry messages, money or complaints", and 11.5 forbids speaking negatively about the other parent within the child's hearing.

Clauses 12 and 13 handle travel and relocation: notice periods, written consent for travel outside South Africa, who holds the passport. Clause 13 requires months of written notice before a move and sends the disagreement to mediation first. If relocation is already on the table, read can my ex relocate with our child without my consent before you sign.

Clause 14 is money, and the clause most likely to be read closely later. Fill in the amount, the account and the day of the month, and split the extras line by line. Leave clause 14.8 exactly as it is: contact is not conditional on maintenance and maintenance is not conditional on contact. Use the maintenance estimator to sanity check the figure.

Clauses 15 to 19 are the machinery: which decisions are joint, how new partners are introduced, how disputes go to mediation before court, and a yearly review date. Note clause 18.3, ignored at your peril: if the plan has been registered or made an order of court, "an informal arrangement between the parents does not change a registered plan or a court order".

A worked example

This example is illustrative only.

Sipho and Anele Ndlovu separated last year. Their daughter is seven and their son is three. Anele lives in Pinetown near the school; Sipho lives twenty minutes away and works shifts.

Clause 2.1 gives primary residence to Anele. Clause 3.1 gives Sipho Wednesday afternoons from 14:00 to 18:30, the only weekday his shift allows, and he takes his daughter to swimming at 15:30. Clause 4.1 gives him alternate weekends from Friday after school to Sunday at 17:00, starting on a named Friday in February. Clause 5.1 divides each long holiday in half with the changeover at 12:00 on the middle day, and 5.2 gives Sipho the first half in even numbered years.

Handovers happen at the school on Fridays and at a named shopping centre on Sundays, with a fifteen minute lateness rule. Clause 14.2 records R2 800 a month from Sipho on or before the third, and school fees are split 60 to 40. They sign in front of two witnesses, keep an original each, and take a copy to the Family Advocate.

The mistakes that make one of these useless

Leaving "reasonable contact" or "as agreed between the parties" in the document. These phrases mean whatever the parent holding the child that day decides they mean, and the plan settles nothing.

No start date for the alternating pattern. Without the date in clause 4.2 you have an argument every second Friday about whose weekend it is, and no way to prove who is right.

Making contact conditional on money. A clause tying the two together is one a court will not like, and it puts the child in the middle of a payment dispute. Clause 14.8 keeps them apart.

Treating the plan as a maintenance order. If reliable payment is the real problem, this will not fix it. The Maintenance Court is free and makes an enforceable order.

Signing and never registering. An unregistered plan is a promise between two adults. Registration with the Family Advocate or an order of court is what gives it teeth, and the Family Advocate charges nothing.

Changing it by WhatsApp. Informal variations feel easy, and then someone falls back on the written version. Clause 18.2 requires changes in writing and signed.

Never reviewing it. A schedule built for a five year old stops working long before anyone admits it. Clause 18.1 asks for an annual review date. Put it in your phone.

Signing and registering it properly

Both parents sign and date the plan in front of two witnesses, who also sign, and each keeps a signed original. Give a copy to anyone who works from it, usually the school and the aftercare, because a teacher who knows who collects on which day prevents a great deal of trouble.

Then take it further. The Office of the Family Advocate covering your area will assist with the plan and with registration at no cost, and can help you work through the clauses you could not agree on, which is often the real value of going. Alternatively, have the plan made an order of court, after which a breach can be dealt with as contempt. If you are divorcing, ask for it to be incorporated into the settlement agreement and made an order with the decree.

Where the two of you cannot agree at all, the Children's Act 38 of 2005 expects you to try to reach a plan with professional assistance before going to court. That can be a mediator, a social worker, a psychologist or the Family Advocate.

If it does not work, or what happens next

If one parent stops keeping to the plan, the first step is clause 17: raise it in writing, then mediation, with the Family Advocate assisting at no cost. If the plan is an order of court and it is being ignored, a court can be approached, and breach of an order is contempt.

If the disagreement is really about money, go to the Maintenance Court. It is free, no attorney is needed, and an order there is enforceable in ways a parenting plan is not. If there is any risk to a child or a parent, apply for a protection order at any Magistrates' Court, free of charge, and call the GBV Command Centre on 0800 428 428 or the police on 10111 in an emergency. If you need representation, Legal Aid South Africa on 0800 110 110 applies a means test and takes on some children's matters, and university law clinics assist for free.

LawMatch is not a law firm and this is not legal advice.

Frequently asked questions

Does a parenting plan have to be registered to be valid?

No. A signed plan is an agreement between the parents and both are expected to keep to it. Registration with the Family Advocate, or making it an order of court, is what makes it enforceable in a stronger sense.

What does it cost?

Assistance from the Office of the Family Advocate costs nothing. A private mediator, social worker, psychologist or attorney charges their own fees.

Can we agree shared residence, week on and week off?

Yes, and clause 2.2 provides for it. It works best where the parents live close together and communicate reasonably well, and badly over long distances.

What if the other parent simply refuses to sign anything?

Try mediation or the Family Advocate first, because that is what the Children's Act expects. If that fails, a court can be approached to make an order about care of and contact with the child, and a court may also amend or terminate a plan where that is in the child's best interests.